MAREK MULARCZYK | 05 July 2024
Does it happen to you that you say things to yourself like "I'm not going to be good at this. I'm no good. I have no talent. It's too difficult for me..."
It's this inner critic talking, criticising our acts, criticising our attempts for our personal growth, our attempts for our need for being independent, our attempt to become a better person.
One of the signs of our emotional "adulthood", our emotional intelligence, is our awareness of the existence of this inner critic. And our goal is to learn how to recognise when our inner critic is "talking", our goal is to avoid that inner critic talking us into something when possible, and not to become a slave to our inner critic.
Every single one of us can meet their own inner critic. But also, every single one of us can meet their "outer" critic. Someone they meet, often someone in their close environment. A bad advisor. A toxic partner. A dishonest friend. We also carry that inner critic inside of us. Now, our goal is to notice that critic, not to believe it, stand against it, stand our ground.
How to do it? How to find strength and courage? How to keep defending your values system and your needs? How to build your self-worth? How to make sure that the decisions you make are your decisions? How not to doubt yourself?
When we are small children, we're often brought up to be good boys and good girls. We're told to be quiet, not to disturb (adults), and to listen to everything they (adults) say. And that's where when these children become teenagers, they start with their "behaviour issues" as we adults label them. That's when (and why) they often start getting into troubles with teachers at school (for other "improper" behaviour) and often even with the law. This is their time for questioning the "authorities" that appear in their lives. During that time, teenagers create their path in life and search for answers to their questions.
During that time, let's let them explore the world. Let's let them be curious and allow them gather experiences, make decisions that align with their values and with their deeper self.
But more importantly, let's give them support. Let's try to understand them. Let's try not to criticise them. If we keep telling them that they're no good for something, that they can't do something, that something doesn't make sense, their dreams and their talents will start dying one by one in the darkness of their life.
To relate to ourselves, the same applies. Let's not limit ourselves. Let's give ourselves permission to follow our dreams, to try, to fail and to try again, because that's what life is about. Life is about experiences and learning from mistakes.
Love,
M.